from: shane.watson@atleasticanbowl.com.au
To Simon,
It took me ages, and at times I was really lucky, but today I got a century. I notice you haven't had one for a while.
Nice work running me out the other day, by the way, but you only delayed the inevitable you big chinned shit. Screw you, I got a century and you still - after all these years - shit yourself in the 90s. When was your last test century? Cardiff? Don't you think it's time you admitted I am a better batsman than you?
from Shane
***
To girly haired twat Shane,
I may have taken responsibility publicly for that cock up on Saturday, but it was only because you cried. We both know it was all your fault. Who the fuck runs when they can see their batting partner isn't looking? You may have called, but did it not become obvious that I hadn't heard you when I didn't move?
If you had been watching either me or the ball you would have seen either that no way was there a sodding run there or that I had evidently seen that no way was there a sodding run there - I was watching the game, if there was a run there I WOULD HAVE RUN. You useless fuck. You ran yourself out and you know it.
I want Phil Hughes!
Simon
***
To no way will you ever be captain Katich,
I did not cry, you fucker, I was sweating through anger because you had had me run out!
I see today you also tried to outdo me in bowling, you insecure piece of shit. Do I intimidate you that much? Watch me take 5 tomorrow and be named man of the match.
from Shane GOD Watson
***
To Shane flukey century Watson,
If you take 5 tomorrow, I will have loud dirty sex with Peter Siddle. That's how likely I think it is.
Ritzy is more likely to take 5 than you and he is stupid son of a bitch as well as being a crap bowler.
from Captain Simon Katich
***
fw: nathan.hauritz@sidthegnomenatorsplaything.com.au
from: shane.watson@atleasticanbowl.com.au
To Nate,
Check what Simon said about you.
from Shane
***
to: simon.katich@watsonisnotanopener.com.au
from: nathan.hauritz@sidthegnomenatorsplaything.com.au
To Simon,
Shane told me what you said about me. I am glad you think I will get 5 tomorrow. I think you are really nice. Can we be best friends?
I think I love you.
from Nathan (you can call me Nate if you like)
P.S. do you like my new haircut?
***
Don't shoot the messenger! I just "accidentally" got BCCd into all of these ...
9 thoughts on this post:
*roflmao*
brilliant
*HauritzIsGod*
Watson. Frankenstein-cricketing product of bowling machine automation and constant re-coaching. No one in the history of the game has been so contrived from the depths of text books, bio-mechanical engineering or graph studying assistant coaches. No cricket fan would ever deny a fine, straight, full-face-of-the-bat technique for the simple despite of a persona - before now. This robot may in fact draw a new audience of footballers to the game where you once carried yourself with charismatic allure. After school training at clubs around the country should never be infiltrated with 12 year-olds imitating the bowling action of this regressive science project. One might wonder "Will we ever see a Shane Warne produced here again?" That could be answered with a flat "No, never and forget another Lillee too". We, in the passing of this current generation of budding first class cricketers, look forward to automated, lifeless, unimaginative, simpleton clones of this diabolical creation.
I sorrowfully sign off.
Wilcox
amidst all the fighting poor Siddle gets violated. *sniff*
Nice Ciaran. You must be an Aussie. Only we can hate him like that.
Excellent piece of writing, Sid, very funny.
The big Twatto ran out MJ you know. Watch him, I am pretty sure the big blonde dork didn't even call to the big dark dork. He just didn't want MJ doing an all-rounder impression.
It's like my worst dream of the Oz team. Watson opening the batting and being our best player. And I read in the press to my lack of surprise that he is banging on about how brave he is going to be by standing up to a 17-year-old.
Between him and Haddin, I'm losing the will to...who can I support now? Maybe I better start supporting the Kiwis as I quite wuv Captain Dan.
Kat would have Watto in a throat-throttling fight you know.
This is great. Wonder wat Simmo has to say about your Lord today? Can I have some of the Voodoo potion you've been using?
The Great
King Nate.
You may all have to check my ego sometime soon, because I am starting to think I am some sort of prophet ...
My poor King Nate; I shouldn't take the michael, but it is just so easy to do.
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