Scene: Sydney, January 2010; morning of the 5th day of the 2nd test against Pakistan; Australia are on the verge of losing.
Our much maligned spinner (have you noticed this is the media's favourite line now - much maligned? hehehe ...), Nathan Hauritz, hovers nervously in the Aussie locker room painfully aware that the pressure is on him to salvage a little pride for his team ... and then a fat man appears ...
Been curious about how that little conversation went? Well wonder no more ...
Shane: Right, here's the deal Nathe - you need to bowl your arse off out there today.
Nathan: Yes, I know that. That arsewipe Hilditch has been at me all week.
Shane: truth is, you've all been pretty useless in this test - batsmen especially - and it's probably lost, but if you can get a few wickets and make it quite close, that would go a long way to protecting your place in this side.
Nathan: Seriously Shane, have you come here just to state the fucking obvious or what?
Shane: No, I've come to tell you that you owe me - I've put my neck out defending you for a good year now and you've not really come good on the test scene. You wouldn't have been on that Ashes tour if it weren't for me.
Nathan: yes, Shane, thank you ... you do like to go on about it, though, don't you fatty?
Shane: yeah, well, whatever ... see I've been thinking: the fans and the media have been at me to make a comeback for a while and now the PM has told me it's my responsibility to return to the game, so I've decided that if you don't get your shit together this series I'm doing it.
Nathan: you're ... WHAT?
Shane: I'm coming back.
Nathan: You've got to be kidding me.
Shane: I'm not.
Nathan: Mate, you're as fat as the side of a house; you eat pies for fucking breakfast and you just about pull a muscle playing your bullshit poker ... how do you think you're going to play cricket again?
Shane: If that pensioner Hussey can do it, why can't I?
Nathan: because he's not a fat bastard and he has been in training constantly ... your current exercise regime consists of little more than lifting your wallet to pay for beer and chips.
Shane: It'll take a little work, yes, but I'm a better spinner than you any day ... I have natural talent ...
Nathan: Fuck off! That's it, I'm getting a 5-for in this innings ... we're gonna win, dammit! No way am I letting you nick my place on this side. I've put up with too much shit on facebook for that!
And the rest, as they say, is history.
3 thoughts on this post:
Dude, ten more days before the Ashes are officially 200 something days away!
I can hear your heartbeats from here!
Can't wait, myself. And by then, My Lord should be well established as the arse kicking bowler.
Seems I need to stop making fun of Warne being fat, though. Why is that? He's so much fun to make fun of.
Why? He wants to be made fun of. It's the only reasons why he is gaining weight like a whale.
Is he the world's first blond whale?
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