Letter found in the SCG rubbish last Thursday

6th January 2010

Dear Rick,

Your mother and I have been watching this and the last test series and ... well, to be honest, you've been rubbish and we've about had enough. We have spent a small fortune on cricket crap over the years; more money than on your brothers and sisters combined in fact. It has not been cheap. And let's not forget all those wasted weekends, the countless hours sitting around in the sun watching you stand out in the middle of a blazing hot oval seemingly doing shit all.

We did it all because you are our son and because we believed in you; of course we were over the moon when you were made captain of the Australian team. But lately you have been shit - you've lost the ashes twice for heaven's sakes and you might be "the most winnningest captain ever" (whatever that means) but you haven't really been doing the work yourself, have you? Quite the opposite in Sydney, actually, and what the hell was with all those fucking dropped catches?

Everyone knows that you are only still test captain because there really isn't anyone else (although your mum thinks Katich should get a go). This "player of the decade" business is just bullshit - it obviously should have gone to Sachin Tendulkar.

So here is what we've decided - we are coming down to Hobart for the third test and if you don't play well we are going to cut you off. Get your act together, or you're out. We've had it with you. We have 3 other children to be getting on with, we can do without you.

Cheerio. Kiss from Mum.

See you Thursday.

from Dad

P.S. got that cheque sent off to Daryl Harper in Johannesburg as you asked. Hope it reaches him in time.