The Knee of Hilfy

Any Crapinfo article that starts "Ben Hilfenhaus hopes to be able to walk" is going to scare the pants of an Aussie cricket fan, but when it's but months before the Ashes I start considering my hibernation options. You've all no doubt noticed that my confidence in the Australian side has somewhat waned of late and I am starting to panic about the Ashes.

So hearing that Hilfy still has the most fucked up knee in the history of knees the world over is, to put it bluntly, not so good. And I can promise you that I have checked the history of knees the world over.

We can't lose the Ashes in Australia. We just can't. Life as we know it would be over. We'd have to put up with endless interviews of Strauss, the man who makes dead trees seem animated, and photos in the paper of Twatfeatures Swann after he takes another mega-haul of wickets. Some misguided record company might even ... no, that's too dire to even consider.

So, Mister Hilfenhaus, you need to get your shit together and learn to walk and bowl or whatever it takes. Get a plastic knee if you have to, dammit! I don't want to put too much pressure on you or anything, but we really REALLY want you to be fit. You know Mitchy can't do it on his own and Harris is not to be trusted. And Sids ... well, Sids is a Victorian so we just never know what he's going to do.

It's up to you, Hilf. But, you know ... no pressure or anything ...