Hello everyone. I am Michael Vaughan. I have a 'do with way too much product in it and I parade around in designer gear a lot. You might remember me from my stint as England's captain. No? Damn, I'd better throw my unsought and unwanted opinion about a bit more ... but on what?
Aah, how about Bangladesh? I know, I'll say that in my oh-so-arrogant opinion, they aren't good enough to be a test side. That should get my name in the papers a few times.
Now, what am I basing this on?
Let's see ... well, they've been a test side for about ten years now and there are signs that progress has been made, but why should England have to play such inferior competition? We've got the Ashes dammit!
They did alright at Lords. They've got some decent players, but also some ordinary ones. England, on the other hand, are all top class players who never struggle. Ever. And we have the Ashes.
Sorry? Oh yes, they have the Ashes. Not we. I don't actually play anymore. No one is sure what I do now, other than throw my opinion around and show up on Test Match Special occasionally, but I don't play anymore.
And Bangladesh were awful at Old Trafford. Just awful. What was that? Headingley 2009? Three days? No, sorry. No idea what you're talking about.
Yes, it's true that prior to 2005 we hadn't won the Ashes for 17 years, but we were in a period of upheaval. For 17 years. We were a work in progress, so to speak ... no, no, Bangladesh can't be a work in progress as well. They're not England. They didn't invent cricket. They don't have the Ashes. They don't have Flintoff ...
... oh, wait. Neither do we.
Look I'm starved of media attention, just publish something ok? I'm off to Dolce & Gabbana for a new manbag.
3 thoughts on this post:
Here you are Mr Vaughan, a big slice of humble pie.
What's that? I'm afraid you don't have a choice, Mr Vaughan. It's what the doctor has ordered. Plus a nice side serving of Graham Swanns chin - he has plenty to spare after all.
Sorry? Chin? That's the thing you're supposed to have between your neck and your mouth, I should have realised you didn't know, please excuse me.
Sid, if you see him around buy some of his paint. Poor man needs some help.
He doesn't need help - he needs to shut the hell up.
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