The Tour to England - a quick round up

We were shit.








Ok, not that quick. But it's tempting.

The Irish gave us a scare and we had to be rescued by Jimmeh Hopes. And there's nothing embarrassing about that.

England were quite ordinary in the one day series - with the exception of Eoin Morgan and Pratface (I drink a white wine spritzer then drive and get caught) Swann - but Australia excelled themselves in shitness, at least for the first two matches, and gave them away. Then Tait seemed to show up and do Punter's job by kicking everyone into gear. The third match was only just lost and we won the last two, losing the series 3-2.

My Lord got injured and went home.

Shane Watson bowled well (it's a mystery, I know).

After the first T20 loss, we all happily said "Oh yeah, Pakistan deserve one win against us. They are pretty good". And then we lost again and we said it again, through slightly gritted teeth.

The first test at Lord's saw us bowled out by Pakistan for not much, then we bowled them out for even less, then we got a bit more but a lot of it was done by a bowler and by now we were wondering where all our fucking batsmen were.

And then one of them showed up. And he bowled. Pakistan were doing their best to bat slightly less shit than us and win, and it was starting to work. Then we were saved by Marcus North, which is kind of the equivalent of a group of olympic swimmers being saved from drowning in a backyard swimming pool by a kid with floaties.

The second test was ... ahem ... eventful. Ponting put us in to bat, which no one except him understands, and Pakistan's bowlers made Australia take all their clothes off and dance the can-can naked.

Ok, not really. It was actually worse than that. They bowled us out for 88.

... ooh, there's the can-can music of denial again ...

We tried to fight back; it was a valiant effort, but it was not to be. And why?

Because we were shit.