How could you possibly not include my little Graeme on your list of cricketers of the year? He's such a lovely boy - he always knits with me on Sundays, when he isn't playing, and never drinks more than one white wine spritzer at a time. Of course, that's enough to make him very very drunk but that's only because he is a sensitive boy.
I think you should reconsider.
From Mrs Swann
*****
Dear ICC,
You bastards. We know our team is shit and only has the Ashes because Australia were in a bad place at the time and that twat, Hilditch, didn't play Hauritz at the Oval, but did you have to rub it in by not listing any of our players on the long list for Cricketer of the Year? I mean, come on - you gave it to Mitchell Johnson last year even though he was well shit in the Ashes! Who did his Mum sleep with?
Give us someone, please? They don't have to make the short list, just the long one.
Pretty please?
The ECB
*****
Dear Mrs Swann,
After recieving a letter from the ECB, we have come up with an idea - who will you sleep with?
The ICC
*****
Dear The ECB,
For fuck's sake! Can you not just accept that your players suck? We put Anderson on the Test Player list, didn't we? What more do you lot fucking want?
Yeah, yeah - you invented cricket ... lahdee fucking dah!
OK, here's what we've decided - we'll put some names in a hat and whoever comes out will go on the long list. We're not putting Strauss in there, though. We can't stand him, he has less personality than a rotten mango. But we have got Watson on the list, so we should put one of your guys on there. Whoever it is will not make the short list, though. But don't worry, neither will Watson. He's only there because he rang us in tears and begged to be there.
Will you stop complaining if we do that?
From the ICC
*****
Dear the ICC,
How very rude. My little Gray had better win the title, or I will call the local neighbourhood watch about you!
Mrs Swann
*****
Dear The ICC,
So you damn well should put one of our players on the list! We invented cricket you know.
And, seriously, Ryan Harris? Are you fucking kidding me?
From The ECB
*****
Dear The ECB,
You got Swann, ok? We'll even issue an apology just to shut his Mum up.
Now piss off, all of you.
The ICC
*****
Dear lovely, lovely boys at the ICC,
Thank you, dears. Next time Gray bakes a cake, I'll get him to send you all a slice.
He makes a mean swiss roll, that lad.
From Mrs Swann
11 thoughts on this post:
Scary thing is, if you look at Twatto's stats in ALL forms of the game, bat and ball, he's had one muther of a year.
Perhaps he might the ODI, but I won't mind if he wins jack shit.
I wonder what really happened there, I don't quite buy all this 'oversight' bullshit.
How stupid does it look to release a list, only to add another name to it after you've been slaughtered.
The one and only Duncan Fletcher was on the selection panel, and he wouldn't touch Swann with a barge pole when he was England coach.
And we all know that Duncan is never ever wrong!
It was probably due to the fact the naughty little boy was in court last week.
But only because he loves his cat
I don't believe all that rubbish about the cat! What a load of pants. And Dean, I also don't buy the genuine oversight crap. How does a huge organisation like the ICC overlook anyone, let alone a player who has had the year that Swann has? Very fishy.
@Lou - Watson has had one almighty year. I think it's fair that he is on the long list and the short list. He may even win it, but I won't be losing any sleep if he isn't.
I stand by my exclamation at the inclusion of Harris, though - wtf?
Swann wasn't overlooked. He was in the test long-list so they obviously considered him. I think it was the squawking that got him on the Cricketer's list. Looks bloody dodgy though.
Imagine if a top Indian player had been left off a list (VVS has a gripe for the test list in all honesty) and Gavaskar screamed in the press and the head of the BCCI 'made a phone call'.
The screams of bias and undue influence would be heard from John O'Groats to Land's End.
Harris is a reverse oversight as is Punter, and Jadeja for the emerging player is so far left-field he's in the bleachers.
I think they just forgot about him. It's very very easy to do because the guy...what's his name again? Who are we talking about anyway? Ummmm... I was gonna say something very important about him as well. Ah well.
Stani, what important thing could you possibly have to say about him? He just doesn't warrant such things.
I think Lou has a good point, though. If he's overlooked, he overlooked on every list - not just one.
Who?
;)
Let's just agree these awards are a whole pile of rubbish considering the right guys are almost never on the list. It's just a blindfolded random picking process.
And Sid, how many times do I have to say cricket wasn't invented by the Pommies, the Belgians did! Now remember.
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Sorry, Sunny - I forgot how instrumental you Belgians were in the development of cricket :-)
I think sometimes the right guys are on the list, but all to often they don't win. It's like every other award system, isn't it?
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