Australian Test Captain Pageant - the Swimsuit Competition

Miss Ponting, last year's queen, has joined the Cricket Australia judges here tonight to award the captain's crown to one of the following contenders:

Miss Hussey - an old favourite, particularly of those in the West of the country, but is unlikely to score very highly in that 19th C, neck to knee style costume. Will most likely be dismissed as too old.

Miss Clarke - resembles Miss Ponting in style and, suitably enough is wearing a green and gold two piece number chosen for her by the current queen. She is clearly a favourite of the judges, although the audience don't seem so sure.

Miss Ferguson - the only contender who has not yet been seen wearing the team's green cap. Her shiny silver two piece costume is very fashionable, though, and many members of the audience are impressed.

Miss North - another old contender for the crown, this is a touching attempt to convince us of her abilities, but she is wearing a very ragged and torn bikini and that will not sway the judges or the audience at all. She will need to perform better than that, and consistently, if she wants some points.

Miss Katich - although one of the eldest here tonight, she is a relatively new contender to the crown. She swishes down the runway in a sporty one-piece number that has the crowd ooh-ing and aah-ing, but the judges seem to think her age makes her a non-contender.

Miss Broad - clearly in completely the wrong competition, but can't resisit an opportunity to put on a pair of Manolos and a Heidi Klein one-piece. She shall be mocked shamelessly until she buggers off.

Miss Hauritz - a sympathy nod to the young lady whose costume doesn't quite fit right and who just can't get the hang of those heels. She has had experience of the crown, as the holder of the youth version, but has not really shown crown potential since. I imagine this will be her final appearance in the competition.

Miss White - just some random girl who came in to drop off Miss Hussey's pizzas. She did look very athletic in that gold one-piece with the picture of the bushranger on the hip, didn't she? The audience loved her and cheered like mad when she appeared, but the CA judges sent her back out the door as quickly as possible. No chance of the crown, or even a green cap for her, I suspect. Why would that be, we wonder?

... and now it's time to wait while the judges make a decision ... will they choose to go with the favourite or will they opt for someone completely unexpected? We'll just have to wait and see.