Dear Ryan,
You've done ok lately - you kicked some English arse at Perth in the Ashes and you did pretty good in the IPL. I won't lie, I'm a little bit impressed.
As you probably realise, I am the new bowling coach for Cricket Australia. I know, I know - I'm not Allan Donald but I am Australian and that's all you need. Now, one of my firsts acts as bowling coach is to eliminate the fat fucks on the team. Justin hasn't come around to my way of thinking yet, so Katich might not have to lose weight, but I can tell you: the days of the chubby little bowler are over.
Twatto is carrying that spare tyre and Mitchy's mum just keeps sending him those cookies, so I've really got some work to do. Mike Beer could use a ride on a stairmaster every now and then, but who the hell let him on the team anyway? And you, mate - you might be bowling well but let's be honest, there's a bit of pudge.
You like the beer and crisps, don't you? Hey?
So here's the thing - "be ready" for Sri Lanka looks good on the net, the cricket sites can change it to "be on alert" and make of it what they will. But let's you and I be honest with each other: what I mean when I say "be ready for Sri Lanka" is get to the fucking gym a few times before selection, chubby, because if we need to book more than one aeroplane seat for you, you're not going.
Sort it out.
From Craig McDermott
I'm not a foreigner, I'm a bowling coach
P.S. if you know who this woman is that keeps sending me threatening letters insisting Hauritz gets selected, can you tell her to leave me alone? She's so mean.
2 thoughts on this post:
:-)
Read between the lines of that article on cricinfo and tell me this is not what's going on.
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