- Don’t be a spinner, unless you are Shane Warne reincarnated. They might let you play a bit, they might even give you a contract but if you aren’t turning the ball the width of Mike Gatting they will get sick of you pretty quickly and move on to the next nobody.
- Date as many bimbos as you can, get yourself in the paper for things other than cricket as often as possible, even leave tours to go appease your girlfriend who was stupid enough to let some idiot take a naked photo of her. Have so little commitment to your team that a colleague – who is entirely committed – confronts you about it and is gets so angry he assaults you. That should keep you in well sweet with the NSP. They might even make you captain.
- Be a complete nobody who has been marginally above average for your state side, get picked for no apparent reason to play in the Ashes (over and above the established spinner) and be completely shit throughout the series.
- Be a dumb blonde, have a baby face and occasionally get more than 50 runs. The people will love you (and avoid those blogs that make fun of you) and so will the NSP.
- Don’t amass an amazing amount of runs, after fighting your way back into the test side with sheer hard work and stability after last time you were made to wear the scapegoat cap. Don’t be a great state captain and, for the love of Nate, never be test cricketer of the year and get injured just a few months later.
- Don’t be consistently good. There’s no need. So long as you can show up occasionally and save the game for the team, the people will love you and the selectors will overlook your age and your general average-ness* and you will be safe forever and ever. They might even look kindly upon your brother, just for extra reward.
And finally …
- It’s a good idea to be Ricky Ponting if you can. They might take away from you the only thing you’ve really been good at the last couple of years (the captaincy), but you will not lose your place in the team because you’re way too high profile for that.
*the calling of Mike Hussey “average” for the purposes of humour only. Not intended to be take seriously.
4 thoughts on this post:
The idea seems to be pick enough youngsters and one of them will be a prodigy . . .
It does seem that way, but that still doesn't explain the removal of Katich but not Ponting or Hussey. I get the argument for change, but it should have been none of them or all three.
Did you call Haurtiz an established spinner?
I thought Indian and Pakistan selection panel only came up with stupid decisions.....for the last 24 months, CA has been proving me wrong and giving Ijaz Butt's men a run for their money!
BTW - Are u on blogger or wordpress? Sorta confused now...
You might not like Hauritz, Poshe, but that doesn't change the fact that he was established in the side.
And I'm on wordpress, but I'm giving people time to get used to it. I'd rather you went to the WP blog.
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